Hey Kids, It's Mr. Biggles!

So, despite the unseasonably warm weather, it is indeed fall. And what happens in the fall? Well, apparently, Trader Joe's hosts a shitty kids' coloring contest (bullshit alert: we were "too old" to enter) and gives away coloring pages at the registers.

HOLY SHIT.

The coloring page features a smiling, anthropomorphic bear named MR. BIGGLES, and there is no way to construe what he is doing to that jack-o-lantern as anything innocent...and not just because it's obvious that no one named Mr. Biggles could NOT be some kind of disturbed sicko.

So here's Mr. Biggles, kids, here to wish you a happy fucking fall!

Danielle's Take

"Frankly, it's some fucking bullshit that you can't read my captions. It definitely makes my picture look like the more benign of the two. To clarify, the title at the bottom reads: 'Because Pumpkins Can't Say No', and the speech bubble reads: 'The candle inside gives me a nice warm sensation!'. I now really regret not having him say, 'it's a sensation feeling'."

Bruce's Take

"I interpreted Mr. Biggles as a serial killer, especially in the 'killer klown' tradition, hence the blue fur and white body. Blood is spattered on the wall of the basement or crawlspace where he has taken the pumpkin, presumably to eviscerate it and eat its flesh. For my caption, I took inspiration from the famous 'From Hell' letter, allegedly sent by Jack the Ripper." 

Now, I know we are already breaking our promise to provide you with quality dollar store coloring book pages, but come the fuck on: these are clearly worth far more than the, well, nothing we paid for them.

- Bruce and Danielle