Adult Assembly Required

Merry Christmas!

Yesterday, Bruce excitedly posted a picture of his Christmas present, and has been impatiently awaiting its assembly ever since. Unfortunately, while the box calls this a "Terrifying T-rex", it fails to mention that it really means "Terrifyingly difficult to fucking assemble". When we finally opened the box, we were greeted by a pile of dinosaur parts that would put the Hell Creek Formation itself to shame:

In case you just think Bruce has a tiny dining room table, here is a picture to give you a sense of scale. This is the T-Rex's tongue (just the goddamn tongue) in Bruce's hand (and for those of you who don't know, Bruce also has giant hands):

But something wasn't in the box: markers. Even with our staggering expertise, this was clearly too big of a job for crayons. Given that it was Christmas, this could have ended in tragedy, but thankfully, the godless heathens at the local 24 hour CVS were happy to sell us a 10-pack of Crayola markers at a reasonable price. 

We quickly got to work...but got sidetracked for a bit when we realized what could be done with a partially completed dinosaur sculpture.

"Prior to posing for this picture, I was taking a nap on the couch and woke up with this fucking thing next to me, horse head-style."

Five hours later, the poor guy finally got a completed lower jaw, and our orange marker was on its last legs.

That's all the work we could put into this today. We're off to go be a "normal" couple and see a movie. Anyway, it's totally one of those Christmas presents you work on for the whole of your vacation (Bruce originally wrote "winter break", but we realized we're too damn old to have winter break. We're going back to work tomorrow. Dammit.). When completed, it will have a body, two arms, and will appear to be BURSTING THE FUCK OUT OF A WALL.

-- Bruce

There Will Be Markers

So yeah, it's been a while since we've last updated this blog. I've been busy with work, and Danielle hasn't been feeling well. But rest assured: we're still together and still coloring.

In fact, we started working on a Thanksgiving post, and got this far:

"Kemal Mustafa Ataturkey"

"Ottoman Turkeys Defeating the Hamgarians at the Battle of Mohacs, 1526"

But, alas, there is only so far you can run with the revelation that Turkey is both the name of a type of meat and the name of a country, and it just wasn't enough for a full post. 

And that's where things remained...until I unwrapped my holiday present from Danielle today. Drumroll please.........

TERRIFYING T-REX! A 3 foot wide, 3-D sculpture that you can mount on your wall...and that you get to color yourself! Will I be able to complete this tomorrow? Will my roommate die from terror upon coming back from Christmas vacation? Will the box contain markers?

All these questions and more will be answered...on tomorrow's episode of 95 crayons. 

-- Bruce

(PS: even with our long hiatus, we STILL have more posts than the lazy bastards at http://96crayons.blogspot.com)