Hey Kids, It's Mr. Biggles!

So, despite the unseasonably warm weather, it is indeed fall. And what happens in the fall? Well, apparently, Trader Joe's hosts a shitty kids' coloring contest (bullshit alert: we were "too old" to enter) and gives away coloring pages at the registers.

HOLY SHIT.

The coloring page features a smiling, anthropomorphic bear named MR. BIGGLES, and there is no way to construe what he is doing to that jack-o-lantern as anything innocent...and not just because it's obvious that no one named Mr. Biggles could NOT be some kind of disturbed sicko.

So here's Mr. Biggles, kids, here to wish you a happy fucking fall!

Danielle's Take

"Frankly, it's some fucking bullshit that you can't read my captions. It definitely makes my picture look like the more benign of the two. To clarify, the title at the bottom reads: 'Because Pumpkins Can't Say No', and the speech bubble reads: 'The candle inside gives me a nice warm sensation!'. I now really regret not having him say, 'it's a sensation feeling'."

Bruce's Take

"I interpreted Mr. Biggles as a serial killer, especially in the 'killer klown' tradition, hence the blue fur and white body. Blood is spattered on the wall of the basement or crawlspace where he has taken the pumpkin, presumably to eviscerate it and eat its flesh. For my caption, I took inspiration from the famous 'From Hell' letter, allegedly sent by Jack the Ripper." 

Now, I know we are already breaking our promise to provide you with quality dollar store coloring book pages, but come the fuck on: these are clearly worth far more than the, well, nothing we paid for them.

- Bruce and Danielle

One Crayon Short

Two short weeks ago, we, ages 25 and 26,  made the life-altering decision to incorporate coloring into our relationship. It was a decision not made in haste, but out of genuine love and passion for shitty children's art mediums. We went to the local Dollar Tree and bought some appropriately heinous coloring books and a 96-pack of Crayola crayons. Then we went to town on our newly acquired treasures. Just a few pictures in, though, one of us (who shall not be named) broke the "Yellow" crayon - reducing us to just 95 colors, only two of them primary. Let us interject, here, that this was particularly heartbreaking, as so many of the crayons have fantastically hilarious names; yet, we are stuck recounting the tale of "Yellow".

It was truly a tragedy for the ages. But once the tears dried up, we realized that it was actually a blessing in disguise: the address 96crayons.blogspot.com was already taken, while 95crayons.blogspot.com was free.

It bears noting that 96crayons.blogspot.com is a complete fucking waste of cyberspace. It is literally just a picture of crayons. It is nothing but a goddamn picture of crayons. There's not even 96 of them in the picture. At least our picture shows the box. It's clearly the superior of the two pictures. So, even though it ended up being our windfall, if you're out there, 96crayons.blogspot.com, you can just fuck right off.

In any event, on this blog we plan to share the coloring book drawings we make together. Hopefully, you will enjoy the many artistic liberties we take, and we can showcase the fact that real art can be found anywhere, even at the gas station or the grocery store...fuck it: ESPECIALLY at the gas station or grocery store. We all know that the best things in life come from the fucking gas station.

-Bruce and Danielle